Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize