So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
