I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I fill condoms, not promises.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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