i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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