Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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