You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
