i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
