Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
