ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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