I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
