I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
