Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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