I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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