spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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