Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
