OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
