Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize