Already got asked if we're dating
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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