Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
