we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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