You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
