Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
