I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
