I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
