Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
