so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
