It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
