Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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