I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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