Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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