Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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