I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
