sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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