Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
