yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
