ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
