FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
