I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
