I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
