I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
