So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
