if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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