So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
