I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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