He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
