I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
