i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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