I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
