so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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