I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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