My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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