Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
