I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
