My first STD was from a foam party
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
