i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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