Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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