no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
