If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
