At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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