She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
