I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
