I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
