Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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