her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
