Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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