I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
