First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
