i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
