omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
