and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so much tequila, so little girl.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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