eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
