your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
