you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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