You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
