As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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