Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
